You asked, we listened! One of the top questions that potential surrogates have is, 'what is the journey like for spouses'? Today we are pleased to present our interview with @Jonathan Compton - an experienced surro-partner and husband to community member @Laci Compton.
What was your family situation when Laci told you she wanted to be a surrogate?
So, we had had our first child Lila when Laci expressed an interest in being a surrogate. We had been married two to three years. We took a pause on surrogacy though due to deciding to have another child of our own. We picked things back up when we were married about 6 years and both our children were a little bit older.
Is surrogacy something the two of you had discussed previously or was it a surprise to you?
It was not a surprise, it was something we had discussed early in our marriage so when she reached out to ConceiveAbilities it was her continuing interest from years before.
Are there any misconceptions or fears about the surrogacy process you needed to gain knowledge about to feel comfortable with Laci starting the process?
I honestly did not understand how the process worked early on. I knew the child that she would be surrogate to would not be ours genetically. So I became very familiar with the entire IVF process. Giving shots was a small hurdle but nothing big, Laci was better about it than I was.
I think a second part of this question is that I was initially hesitant in telling our families what we were doing, because going through pregnancy for another couple rather than bring another child to the family seemed controversial. Most of the family was very supportive in this journey and those that had questions about it, mainly did not know what it was. Once we informed them the child would not have our genetic material, they were relieved and became accepting of the idea.
From your perspective, how was the surrogacy pregnancy different from her other pregnancies?
Surrogacy pregnancy was different in that it was special that Laci was able to carry and deliver a baby for another family. I know that is very basic but throughout the pregnancy, our Intended Parents (IP's) encouragement and excitement was very uplifting and gave reason to why we were doing this.
Were you anxious about the delivery? What was your role in the delivery process?
We were given the opportunity to deliver in a very nice labor and delivery center. I admire Laci's passion for birth and delivery, and have been able to take part in her three deliveries in helping aid nursing and midwifery staff. We did prepwork in leading to delivery so as a husband and partner to Laci I helped keep the course of our birth plan and hopefully brought a little comfort along the way.
Does your family have a relationship with the surro-babe family?
At the time of pregnancy and delivery, we were lucky to live not far from the IP's in relative terms to the surro-world. Our families have gotten together multiple times as friends - they were only a few hours drive away. We have moved since due to career moves, but we stay in close contact and get many pictures of the chubby cheeked little baby boy Laci brought into the world.
What are the top things you would tell someone who is unsure about his/her partner becoming a surrogate?
Communication is really going to be huge through the whole journey, starting in the beginning all the way to the end. Explore the parts of the surrogacy that make you unsure. It is a different path than most people take so it is going to beg questions, I really appreciated the interactions with ConceiveAbilities staff members. They had a lot of experience with many couples and surrogate journeys. They always encouraged us to do what was best and right in our minds when it came to the whole process. One thing that helped me early on was remembering Laci had a yearning to help another family to become complete as we were in our own lives. Knowing that she had a desire to help others was always the root of why she decided to be a surrogate, and I did not want to stop her pursuit.
Anything else you’d like to share with members in our community?
Surrogacy has had an impact on my family's life far from what I had ever anticipated. I think originally I saw it as more transactional, than the life changing journey it has become. It will be two years this coming spring since our Surro-Baby was born and we are still in contact with the IP's. Every journey is different, and not all matches will have lifelong bonds of friendship in an immediate sense but there will always be a deep satisfaction that a woman gets for helping another family in this endeavor. It has been a sweet journey that was filled with many happy tears along the way in bringing lifelong joy to another couple.